Banjo-Tooie ½
by Donkey Kong Song
Summary: Mumbo and Humba fall in love, and Grunty invents new machines to stop Banjo and Kazooie.


Banjo-Tooie 1/2  
Rated PG because of a few bad words and violence  
By DKS and Baby Myuu's Hyper Side  
  
During the kick-around, Grunty's head fell off and fell on her body, I mean, the rest of her bones. She said, "Hahaha! I'm finally back together! And I've got a good plan to destroy you, Banjo and Kazooie! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"I don't like the sound of that," Banjo complained.  
"I can make a mmrphrhgghmrgfff machine to stop you!" Grunty said.  
"Ummmm, you didn't complete the sentence. You just trailed off at one part." Kazooie noticed.  
"Hey, you're right, I did trail off!" Grunty said. "Well, I'm gonna work on my machine!"  
"Ummmm, aren't we forgetting something?" Jamjars asked. Banjo, Kazooie, Mumbo, and Humba looked confused. "WE HAVE TO RUN, YOU MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Instead of just standing there grinning moronilly!" he screamed.   
"Ohhh, we must run!!!!!" Mumbo realized.  
"Why not we think of that?" Wumba said.  
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Jamjars said. They started to run off. On the way, Wumba tripped over a rock. She fell and screamed but no one cared enough to notice.  
"Hey, did you hear that?" Banjo asked.  
"Yeah, Grunty's being beat up again," Kazooie said.  
They were leaving the Quagmire when Jamjars did role call. "Banjo?"   
"Here," Banjo said.  
"Kazooie?"  
"Here."  
"Mumbo?"  
"Mumbo present."  
"Wumba?"  
There was no answer.  
"Where's Wumba?" Kazooie asked.  
They turned around to see Wumba lying down. "Wumba broke leg, cannot walk."  
"Mumbo go help stricken Wumba," Mumbo volunteered.  
"But I thought..." Banjo tried to say  
"Shut the hell up," Mumbo curse-commanded. He ran over to Wumba and wrapped mummy bandages around her leg. He picked her up and they all exited the Quagmire. As they were traveling back, they got to Bottles' House. It was locked.  
"Open the door!" Banjo said, while he was pounding on the door and Kazooie pecked it.  
"Open god damn door, or Mumbo summon Golden Goliath to kick it open," Mumbo said.  
Inside the house, Bottles was saying, "If it's cursing, it's important." He was running to the door, but he ate too much. It took more than 5 minutes for him to get there.  
"OK, time for action." Mumbo said. He put Wumba down, and danced with the bag going "Eekum-bokum, eekum-bokum, hccrro, hccrro, eekum-bokum, eekum-bokum, eekum-bokum, eego-ah." The Golden Goliath kicked open the door. Then he blew up.   
"That was, uh, unexpected," Jamjars said. They walked in and saw Bottles, all fat, running for the door. They ignored him and exited through the door. Banjo, Kazooie and Jamjars were still running, but Mumbo and Humba stayed behind.  
Wumba said, "Mumbo actually cared when Wumba's leg broke. Wumba love Mumbo big heap."  
"Mumbo love Wumba too," Mumbo said.  
Jamjars had to pee. He was peeing in the flowers. Mumbo and Humba saw him. "Um, we not see nothing if you not see nothing," they both said.  
"Let's go to Mumbo's Skull. We get big hell privacy there," Mumbo suggested.  
"They're leaving, they're gonna miss the other party at our house. And we have Shmoes," Banjo said.  
"It's S'mores," Kazooie said.  
"I mean, S'mores," Banjo said.  
Meanwhile, back at Cauldron Keep, Mingella and Blobbelda slithered out from under the anvils. Grunty was trying to make a voice changing machine, but it kept exploding.  
"Back we are, making new machine I see," Mingella said.  
"Could you two step out for a minute?" Grunty asked.  
They exited the gun chamber, then Grunty yelled, "F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" right out loud. Banjo was on his way to his house, and said, "Well, that's the loudest profanity I've ever heard!"  
At Mumbo's Skull, Mumbo and Wumba were watching the Mr. Pants Show and eating Shmoes. These were not S'mores, they were Shmoes. It was like a S'more, but it wasn't heated up. Mumbo didn't have a microwave! Mumbo and Wumba were about to kiss when Tooty popped up.   
"Hi, Mr. Jumbo! Hi, Mrs. Wumba!" They had to hide the love secret from her.   
So Wumba got up and said, "Umm, you lazy shaman! You don't deserve this stuff. Umm, beautiful picture frames, new skull, ummm, green pillar with items, Shmoes on holidays, DVD and widescreen TV with cable! And Wumba just lives in a wigwam between bowling alley and, ummm, other bowling alley!"  
Mumbo had not seen Tooty for a while. "Where Banjo's sister?"  
"I was with Jingaling all the time," Tooty explained.  
"But when witches shot it with gun, where were you?"  
"Well, you see, Mumbo... gyah!" Tooty jumped out the window.  
Mumbo used fix magic on the broken window. Then they sat down and were about to kiss when the pizza guy (the pimple-faced kid on The Simpsons) came in. "Pizza delivery for Mumbo Jumbo!"  
Wumba hid the secret again. "Wumba not want your pizza. It always big heap poisonous!"  
"You didn't have to be so mean," the pimple-faced kid said.  
He left, then Mumbo changed the channel to the Shaman Channel. "Mr. Pants freak Mumbo out." They were about to kiss again when the real Mr. Pants jumped in. He was dancing when Mumbo used kill magic on him, then again fixed the broken window.   
On the TV, it was a commercial where you could order a microwave for only 1 Doubloon. Mumbo called the number and said. "Me Mumbo Jumbo. Me want microwave, not let stupid Wumba use it." When it arrived, they heated up the Shmoes and turned them into S'mores. They were about to kiss again when Grunty's F-word wave finally swept in.  
"That loudest profanity Mumbo ever heard," Mumbo said. Wumba agreed.  
"Are we ever going to kiss? This is big heap disappointment." Wumba said.  
"OK, this time it's for real," Donkey Kong Song (me) said. They were about to kiss... I mean, they did kiss finally.  
Meanwhile, back at Cauldron Keep, the machines were still exploding. Blobbelda said, "Ummm, what that noise?"  
Dingpot said, "It was the..."  
Grunty shoved a sock in his mouth. "It must've been that bean I had for dinner!" Another explosion came, and Grunty said, "Boom! Kablammo!"  
"Making that noise stop pretending you must," Mingella said. "Exploding your machines are."  
"Ha!" Grunty said. "There's one that didn't explode!" She pointed to a machine, 3 x 10LOTS miles away. But it exploded in red, blue, and green light. Grunty said, "Aw, dammit."  
Meanwhile, at Banjo's House, Banjo, Kazooie and Jamjars were getting the party ready when Jingaling came over. "Yo, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...."  
"SHUT THE HELL UP FINGERKING!!!!!!!" yelled everyone.  
"I got some irregular Oreos," Jingaling said as he dumped a bag of them on the table. He picked up a perfect one. "I don't see what's wrong with this one," he said, then he bit it. "Oh."  
Klungo then came in. "Klungo sssssssstole bag of potato chipssssssssss from Missssssstressssssss," he said as he walked in, carrying a bag that said, "Property of Ned Flanders" with "Ned Flanders" crossed out and "Gruntilda Winkybunion" written.  
Jamjars said, "Are we going to party or what?"  
Banjo said, "Bottles, Mumbo and Wumba still aren't here, and it's scheduled to be at midnight."  
Jingaling said, "Midnight? But we're gonna miss Pokémon."  
Banjo said, "Pokémon? What the hell is Pokémon?"  
Jingaling said, "OK. The other Jinjos told me about this. It stars at least 251 creatures called Pokémon."  
Kazooie said, "TWO HUNDRED FIFTY-ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????"  
Banjo complained, "We're never gonna have time to watch it before the party!"  
Jingaling said, "No, like only a few on each episode. And the main Pokémon is an electric mouse named Pikachu. And Misty, Brock, and... what was his name... Ash, are trying to catch them all."  
"Nope. We're never gonna have time to watch it." Banjo said.  
"It's split into a bunch of episodes," Jingaling explained. "One episode comes on weekdays at 3:30, and there are also at least two movies of it."  
"We can tape it," Banjo said.  
Where was I? Oh yes, in Mumbo's Skull. Mumbo Jumbo and Humba Wumba were kissing. They were really private, as Mumbo put a watchdog guard at the doors, and it would bite anyone who tried to come in.  
A few hours later, after Pokémon was over (they taped it on a tape that had a lot of Mr. Pants and Bear Babes 'n' Eskimos) Bottles, all fat, ran to Banjo's house. It took him hours. "Sorry if I'm late. I snagged half of Mario's birthday cake and brought it over, and I've also got an entire tape of Pokémon!"  
"Cool! Let me watch it!" Jingaling said.  
"Not until the party!" Banjo said.  
"Where are Skull Boy and Pool Girl? They should be here by now," Kazooie said.  
Back at Mumbo's Skull, Mumbo and Humba were watching the Shaman Channel. They missed Pokémon and didn't even know what it was!  
"Dammit!" Mumbo said.  
"What Mumbo mean?" Wumba said.  
"Banjo invited us to party at midnight. It ten past eleven!"  
"We must get going!"  
Mumbo was running out, but Wumba forgot about her broken leg. Then Mumbo ran back up and picked her up and carried her all the way to Banjo's House.  
"It's about time. What took you two so long?" Banjo asked.  
"Um, we were..." Mumbo said.  
"...fighting over whether Earth revolve round Sun or not!" Wumba quickly said.  
"The party's gonna be in 50 minutes," Banjo said.  
"50 minutes!" Jingaling said. "But I wanna watch Pokémon!"  
Everyone else at the same time said, "Be patient or you're kicked out of the party."  
Back at Cauldron Keep, Grunty's machines were still exploding.  
"No use it is, other machine you should make," Mingella suggested.  
"Hey, that's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?" Grunty said. So she worked on a loud sound wave machine. When you say something in it, and play it, it's real loud.  
50 minutes later, it was time for the party. Banjo turned on the radio with Disco songs.  
"Can I watch Pokémon now?" Jingaling asked.  
"Knock yourself out, Singingthing," Banjo said.  
He put in Bottles' Pokémon tape. As soon as they heard the "I" on the theme song, they were like, "I wanna watch Pokémon!" or "Klungo wantssssssssss to watch Pokémon!" or "Mumbo want to watch Pokémon!" or "Wumba want to watch Pokémon!" So they all came in and watched it. At the end, everyone except Jingaling and Bottles said, "That sucked! It couldn't've been worse! It really blowed! I'm never watching another episode of Pickleman again! Polkadot sucks!"  
"Well, that Misty girl seems kinda creepy. Hit it Jingaling!" Bottles said.  
"Creepy girl, oh won't you be m..." Jingaling tried to sing.  
"I got a better song!" Banjo said. He turned on "I Love the Nightlife" by Alicia Bridges on the Disco tape.  
"Yay! Mumbo want to boogie!" the bone-headed shaman said.  
After a lot of party, Banjo said, "We had a lot of fun today. Too bad Boggy and Tooty missed it."  
A second later Tooty jumped in through the window, breaking it, and she landed right it Banjo's arms. "Hi Banjo, what did I miss?"  
"You missed the entire party. But it's good you missed Smokejon. It was worse than Impy and Chimpy."  
Then Boggy burst in, saying "Get in my belly! I want the baby!"  
"Um, go get some Big Al Burgers or Salty Joe Fries or either one at McJiggy's, but DON'T eat my sister!"  
"Ye can keep your money, and you can keep your Mumbo, but I want the baby!! I want my baby back baby back baby back. Chili's, baby back ribs."  
"Why don't you go get some?" Banjo said.  
"Good idea," Boggy said, and he ran off singing, "I want my baby back baby back baby back. Chili's, baby back ribs!"  
Goku jumped up and said, "KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"OK... what was the point of that?" Banjo said.  
"I just wanted to show off," Goku said. He disappeared.  
Mumbo Jumbo and Humba Wumba went back to the skull. They were talking about stuff.  
The scene switched to Cauldron Keep. Gruntilda finished her loud sound wave machine. "I will wait for them to go to the new castle and assume it will work."  
"But test it you shouldn't?" Mingella said.  
"Shut up," Grunty ordered.  
"Right is she. Test it you should!" Blobbelda said.  
"Ah," Grunty said. She meant be quiet.  
"But..."  
"Sh."  
"B..."  
"Zip it!"  
Meanwhile, Banjo was reading the newspaper. "La la la, GRUNTY'S MAKING A LOUD SOUND WAVE MACHINE!!!!!!"  
"You didn't have to yell, Banjo," Tooty said.  
"No no no, you don't understand. When you talk in it, then replay, it goes loud enough to be in a 20-mile radius! It's called a tessecoil."  
"You mean a testi..." Tooty tried to say.  
"No, I didn't!" Banjo said. "Well, we're going to stop her!"  
"Can I come?" Tooty said.  
"All right, you can come," Banjo said.  
So Jamjars, Jingaling, Bottles, and Klungo heard that, and they followed.  
Back at Mumbo's Skull, Mumbo Jumbo and Humba Wumba were still discussing when Banjo and his friends were banging on the door.  
"Mumbo! We need your help! Grunty's making a loud sound wave machine!"  
"Not sound too important to Mumbo," Mumbo said,  
"You don't understand. Its sound waves can go in a 20-mile radius! It's called a tessecoil."  
"You mean testi..." Wumba tried to say.  
"No I don't. Now get your asses outta here!"  
So they went out. Wumba's leg was feeling better.  
So they followed the directions on the map to the new castle, Ken. It was blocked.  
"Haha! You can't get past this gate!" Grunty taunted.  
"What we going to do, Banjo?" Mumbo said.  
"Use your head," Banjo said.  
They rammed him into the gate, while he was saying, "But Mumbo not want to use head!" He smashed the gate.  
Meanwhile, at the top of the castle, there was an argument.  
Mingy said, "Imprison those Jinjos why did you?"  
Grunty said, "For a back-up plan. If the tessecoil doesn't work, I'll use this gun I found. But first I must try it on the Jinjos."  
She got ready to pull the trigger, but then Boggy ran by and said, "No!!!! I want the babies!" He shoved the Jinjos out of the way, but Grunty shot Boggy on accident, but he was too fat: the bullet bounced right off. The Jinjos were dancing around him saying, "You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful."  
Boggy said, "Well, now I'm gonna eat ya!" He headed back for Hailfire Peaks to show his wife and kids his catch.  
Down at the bottom, there was another gate. "You won't get past this one!" Grunty said.  
"Should Mumbo use head again?" Mumbo asked.  
"Yes," Banjo said.  
They rammed him into the gate again. Mumbo said, "Mumbo was only joking!" It didn't work.  
"Klungo ssssssssmash gate!" Klungo said. He smashed open the gate.  
In the next room, there was a giant key and door. Banjo simply opened it.  
The next room had a giant key and door, but Banjo couldn't reach the door with the key. He needed Tooty to stand on his shoulder and use the key. In the next room, there was a bunch of apple cores and Chinese newspapers. "Now I know how much of a hog Grunty is," Banjo said.  
Grunty said, "What did you say?"  
"I said, 'I now how much of a bog Grunty did,'" Banjo said.  
Jamjars said, "I wonder what we're supposed to do with all these apple cores and Chinese newspapers."  
Jingaling said, "Hey Banjo, didn't my people give you a family hairloom?"   
Banjo said, "Hey yes, they did."  
Jingaling said, "Try using that."  
Banjo used the hairloom and made a body out of the junk. "Hey, maybe we could trick Grunty with this."  
So when they got to the top of Ken, Grunty said, "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! They're here! Now let's put this tessecoil to work!" She pushed a button. But... nothing happened. So she said, "Hmmm. It was a dud. IT WAS A DUD! That damn piece of crap was a dud!"  
Banjo said, "I hope you like your new body, Grunty!" as he showed her the body.  
Grunty said, "It's just made out of apple cores and Chinese newspapers. I like it! Hey, Chao Young Ping died!"  
Banjo said, "Who's Chao Young Ping?"  
Grunty opened her mouth, then said, "Shutup. Now to get to the point, in return for this body, me and my sisters will now fight on your side."  
Mingella said, "Agree to we didn't!"  
Grunty said, "And you two were the ones who tried to help me find the body."  
Humba whispered in Mumbo's ear, "Hey, Mumbo, should we tell them now?"  
Mumbo said, "OK. Mumbo has announcement to make. Me and Humba getting married."  
Banjo said, "I knew there was something fishy going on!"  
A fish jumped out of Mumbo's loincloth.  
Later, at the wedding ceremony, an unknown priest said, "I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may now kiss the bonehead."  
So they kissed, and the crowd was cheering. Then Guy, singing very badly, brought out a cake. "Here comes the cake, I hope it doesn't break!"  
But then Blobby jumped up and ate the cake, even the bride and groom. Everyone yelled, "BLOBBELDA WINKYBUNION!!!!!"  
Blobby just said, "What?"  
The priest said, "You are banned from this church."  
Blobby said, "I gotta use the potty." She was about to use the toilet but Winnie the Pooh was inside. He said, "Oh bother."  
Meanwhile, at Hailfire Peaks, Boggy returned to his igloo, with the Jinjos saying, "You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful."  
Boggy said, "Well, now I'm gonna EAT YA!"  
When he got inside, Mrs. Boggy said, "Boggy, where have you been?"  
Boggy said, "I was at the castle, attempting to eat a BABY!"  
The Jinjos said, "You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful."  
Mrs. Boggy said, "Oh, isn't that cute? You saved their lives! Let's adopt them!"  
The Jinjos crowded around Boggy and said, "Daddy!"  
  
THE END  



End file.
